Work is for the Bees

Often, there are days (like today) that I find myself tethered to the confines of this cubicle feeling as innately perplexed as David After Dentist – wondering “Is this real life? Is this how it’s going to be forever?”

” Will I be a paper-pushin’, caffeine-dependent, corporate slave, FOREVER? Will every creative thought be forever-interrupted by someone else’s expectation (or requirement) of what I should be doing and thinking? Will my outfits always be dictated by acceptable standard and disregard for personal style? How long do I have to mask my capricious nature with one of abiding “professional”? And how long can I continue suppressing the boiling rage inside from evaporating into a thick film of resentment and desperation?”

What’s a girl to do? I’ve got bills, ‘mon!

Most of all, I suppose there’s that expectation to live up to… You know, the expectation that I (along with everyone I’ve ever known) will grow up to have “everything I’ve ever wanted,” as long as I “work for it.

Convention has taught us that value in life comes from attaining stature and material possessions through labor, but as the youngest person I know with right to boast having independently acquired all the traditional beacons of wealth.. a college education, a condo, a car made of American muscle, trips abroad, etc.. I’ve found that my happiness for these things has been fleeting; fleeting and easily replaced by the [next big goal] to secure.

For so long, I’d conditioned myself to see stagnation as the opposite of success and because of that, I lost reverence for the many small miracles scattered among the tedium… I’d forgotten that life is not about work or money.. not about promotions or stackin’ dough.. not about keeping up with the Jones’.. 

Life is the warm glow of summer sun on your skin, the whip of wind at your back, or the prick of goosebumps from your lover’s breath on your neck.. Life is relinquishing vanity and recognizing the humility in our mere humanity.. Life is perception of all things whole and beautiful and delicately interconnected..

I want, more than anything, to turn my back on this lifestyle that’s been created for me and start living a raw, unfiltered, agenda-free life of my own. I want to embrace spontaneity and revel in the glory of uncertainty. I want to be uninhibited by right and ritual; unrestricted by borders, barriers, and boundaries; unrestrained by monetary debt… I want freedom. I want the freedom I can’t find in the commute to a computer or lukewarm cups of cheap coffee. So badly, I want to break at the chains incarcerating me to this cube and whip that ball at the end back at ’em.

The ball weighing me to this station in life is awfully heavy though.. At times, I fear I’m lacking the strength to break free, but I know in the depths of my soul that one day (soon) my state of perplexity will be coming to you from some fabulous foreign shore where I will not be wondering why my life isn’t the way it should be, but instead how I could ever let it stay that way for so long…

© Taylor Hansen, August 2013

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(Feedback on my writing would be so appreciated! Thanks so much for taking the time to read! Bless you all <3)

0 thoughts on “Work is for the Bees

  1. This is beautiful. I felt similarly trapped in my last job. I realize in hindsight that I should have left that particular environment after three years, which were difficult enough, but I continued for three more for the money. It’s not just difficult to balance our professional and private selves. We say that because it sounds nice, but the truth is, it’s impossible. If it wasn’t, people wouldn’t be as nasty and miserable as they are at work. One life or the other suffers. I guess the best we can do while living our double lives is to anticipate that suffering and to do what we can to minimize it.

    And if you ask me, based on your blogging, you’re doing a great job of it!

  2. I can relate to this more than I wish to admit. For now, I’m just going day by day, trying to keep my head up and staying confident that if I work hard and put myself out there, I’ll figure out where I’m supposed to be/what I’m supposed to do.

  3. I can really relate to this, which is why I moved, but I definitely connect with the last sentence of questioning how could I ever let it be that way for so long…It’s weird, I think we stop and ask ourselves that question often, but then we become distracted by the tedium of everything we are involved in until the next time it comes to our attention. I enjoyed this!

  4. “I want, more than anything, to turn my back on this lifestyle that’s been created for me and start living a raw, unfiltered, agenda-free life of my own.” This perfectly captures how I felt at one of my previous workplaces. There is no better feeling than the moment you release yourself from it.

  5. Well written! I too would love to shed the confines of work and everyday tax paying life for freedom. However, until I do finally win the lottery, its hand tools and pre-packed lunches for me.

  6. I’m not an old man, nor am I young, but I believe that in my wisdom which I’ve gathered in this time on earth I’ve come to realize something. Time, energy and material wealth is best spent on life experiences and in those ventures which bring us closer to others so that we can have a greater understanding and appreciation for each other. Money and things do not buy happiness, but it can enable us to live a life with more freedom and less worry as you’ve indicated.

    Go forth with your wisdom and seek a greater experience. ?

  7. I Love this. This article is very well written and speaks to my heart. I remember those days confined to the cubicle feeling like Keanu Reeves from the movie The Matrix, anxiously awaiting for Laurence Fishburne to rescue me!
    Based on my personal experience, I’ll leave you with this…”Nothing worth having can be obtained without taking a risk.”

  8. I’m relatively new to this blogging thing and it’s mostly to jot down my own thoughts to sort out my own truth. While browsing other peoples thoughts, it seems like a lot of folks are fed up with the life dictated to us. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Good luck on your journey.

  9. This hits my heart strings hard. I feel the same way, i just need to break free of my day job and live a eral life. Yes we are lucky to travel and are so lucky that we live in a country (australia) that we are able, however from time to time i still feel trapped. I have tasted the gift of travel and adventure and now I am addicted. I am glad that others feel the same way and hopefully we all can get the strenght to what we want and travel!!!!

  10. Very well written. It very well describes a conflict I guess many people are struggling with. The main problem is that in our societies not wisdom is valued most but power, profit and status. Freedom strangely is even feared by a huge layer of the society, many people tend to like having people around who tell them what to do. That’s why such a system favouring a handful of calculated opportunists can stay intact. Individual character or people ‘understanding the world’ are permanent threats to this system supporting those kind of ideals. That’s why ‘professionalism’ was invented. It should erase the individual characterics of the people and serve the idea of complete conformism leading to maximum profit for the people manipulating the whole system for their own gain. Hope you will nevertheless find a way to your desired freedom though! And thanks for the like on my blog.

  11. I sat at a desk for six years before I made the move to become a freelancer, this past new year’s, meaning I can work from anywhere with a solid internet connection. Even after just a short month of being away from full-time employ, I’m noting some pros and cons. Health insurance, taxes, and lots of other things become more complicated, for example, but here I sit in Andalucia, with the Sierra Nevadas and the Mediterranean Sea as backdrops — so, am I allowed to complain about the complicated parts?

    But I think sometimes the point of giving oneself more freedom is not to have the freedom itself, but to have to the time and space to figure out what it is you really do want to do. What you enjoy spending your time doing; what you’re good at that can provide an income or a way of life.

    Having said all of that, however, I’ll also drop this link here as food for thought 🙂 —

    Good luck to you!

  12. i don’t often feel compelled to write such long comments on blogs – however, since i’ve had almost -too much- personal experience on feeling “Free” – here is my two cents : YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!!

    unplugging from the matrix can feel uncomfortable… but my advice is to never ignore the voice inside that’s calling you to take action. it doesn’t come from “thinking” – it is a feeling we get, a voice that speaks to only us from within… it is what guides us, ultimately. our internal compass will always guide us in the right direction, if we but listen to it and not to the societal pressures that consume us. we get confused into thinking that we have to obtain this boxed-in, kool-aid flavoured idea of “life” – when in fact, we ARE life. we are magical! we just have to stop chasing transparent dangling carrots.

    just a suggestion – but i have 2 books for you to consider reading : “the power of now” and “buddha’s brain” – both of which have helped me tremendously in learning how to make my OWN decisions, from a still, clear, and conscious place.

    i sold everything i owned, lost my car, left my job of 8 years, and moved to a remote place in the mountains where i knew NO ONE, with nothing but hopes, dreams, and an open-heart. if i can make it work, so can you. BELIEVE THAT, and the universe will help conspire to make it happen… with your intent.

    hugs and blessings to you.

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